I have a gas bill I haven’t paid in months. Due to a mixup, we were charged double for our gas over the summer, and it’s been my job to resolve it. But I haven’t, because I just don’t like to think about it.
I have a thank-you card that’s been waiting for months to be sent, but I don’t have the right address. Now I’m so ashamed to admit it to myself that I can’t bring myself to think about it, so I never take action to get the address. So I never send it.
I have a letter I received two years ago which I still haven’t opened. I think I know what’s inside, and it’s important to me. I’ve been waiting for a big moment. But the moment never came, and now, two years later, I can’t imagine a moment big enough to be worth all the wait. When I think about it, my face gets hot, and I push it out of my mind.
These things hold a great deal of power over me. They are fractures in my integrity. Any time I make myself a promise, any time I aspire to do something great, these things remind me that I’m a failure. That I have a terrible secret. That I’m unwhole.
Today, I am taking a stand. I will resolve each of these fractures. I will finish one each week, and in three weeks, I will be healed. To strengthen that commitment, I will begin to resolve this week’s fracture immediately.
I gave these things power. I gave away my power to them, and only I can take it back.
Maybe you can’t wait to do the same.
This kind of thing happens to me all the time. It is awesome that you decided to deal with your fractures. Sometimes I am too scared to deal with mine, no matter what inspiring things my friends say or do.
It’s a tough cycle, isn’t it? The decision to fix it has to be your decision. The key, I think, is self-forgiveness. When you can forgive yourself for putting things off, there’s no need to be ashamed, just some cleanup to do. It’s also the hard part.