For the past few weeks I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping my life in order. Two weeks ago I missed a doctor’s appointment—completely forgot about it until it was too late. This week I have a speech to give at Toastmasters, and I feel completely unprepared. I’ve been failing to see an old friend for a while, and I haven’t been making plans. What the hell?
I also feel like I don’t have nearly enough time. Now, I always feel like there’s not enough time to do everything I’d like to do, and that’s fine. There isn’t. But I’ve come to terms with that. (Mostly.)
This is different. I feel panicked and claustrophobic. I feel like the walls of my calendar are closing in on me.
I’ve given myself a lot of responsibilities:
- A full-time job
- Cooking most evenings
- Membership in Toastmasters, and right now a speech to give on Thursday
- A weekly video blog
- This blog
- Some sort of new consulting career / career development
That’s a lot on my plate at once. No wonder I’m burnt out! But I feel an apparently insatiable desire to do more.
This is how I take a shower: first I get the water hot, but not too hot. Then I get in. Now, I’m getting used to it, and within moments it’s too cool. So I slowly turn the heat up. Soon, just as I’m getting the right temperature, I realize that I’m scalding myself, and I turn it down. But now that I can stand it again it’s too cool. And so the cycle continues.
I’m not happy unless I’m uncomfortable. But then I’m uncomfortable. Maybe it’s time to turn the heat down again.